Glenn is Getting Married

Having had the pleasure of Glenn and Heather's company at dinner this evening (and having been inspired by my sister-in-law-to-be to try blogging), I find it only logical to comment on their upcoming nuptials.

Not their nuptials in April, but their follow-up ceremony in Cedar Hill tentatively planned for June.

Heather said she'd go for anything that means she gets to wear the dress twice. So, to accommodate my Mom, whose dementia just doesn't allow the confusion of overnight travel, we're going to hold a "mock" ceremony at my house sometime after the "real" wedding.

My friend Pam is writing the vows for this special ceremony. Look for the words "sex," "tuna can," "bodacious," " shagadelic," and "smelly farts" to appear somewhere in this portion of the event.

Kathleen has volunteered to play taps on the trumpet. Actually, I asked for "Ode to Joy" but she feels more comfortable with taps.

There will be rice. Whole-grain, of course.

We're hiring an actor to stand up when the "minister" says "Is there anyone here who knows of any reason this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony?" No decision yet on what the reason will be, but there many be some insinuation that 1) Glenn is still married to his first wife or 2) Glenn is not really a man.

The couple will exchange vows in front of our garden pond. My nephew Chris might accidentally plug in the pond fountain during the event. It may or may not be died red to match the bridesmaid dresses.

Someone suggested that a hot air balloon land in the yard during the ceremony. Yeah...

Pam suggested we release white doves. Kathleen says those are expensive. So Pam is going to catch 100 songbirds and butterflies before the ceremony and release them afterward.

The traditional Kammerer photo shoot will take place immediately following the ceremony. Suggested poses include Glenn and Heather, Glenn and Heather with Mom, Glenn and Heather with Ringo and Fargo, Glenn and Heather with all five cats, Glenn trying to get the hairball off of Heather's dress, Heather using the lint roller to get the cat hair off Glenn's suit, Glenn and Heather burning Kathleen's office chair and Danny pouting because he has to attend the ceremony and can't play video games.

The tentative menu for the feast includes microburgers, Texas Potatoes, chocolate chocolate chip cookies, spaghetti, little Caesar's pizza and crazy bread and Mom's green jello salad.

There will be cake.

To cap off the evening, Heather will mount Keith's old motorcycle and ride off into the sunset with Glenn in the sidecar.

Marian will not be able to attend as she will be at the lake.